Something awful happened this week. It touched my spirit and unnerved me to my core. A young lady named, LaShonda Childs made a post of Facebook that went viral. The post was about domestic violence and right after it went viral she was killed by the ex-boyfriend whom she was referring to in the post.
She gave accounts of him biting her, throwing her into walls, pulling her hair out, setting her hair on fire, even shooting at her house. Her message in the post was domestic violence is real and for us not to ignore the signs.
How I wished she wouldn’t have ignored the red flags. Love is often blinding. We make excuses for bad behavior. The worse part is broken people recognize brokenness. You empathize with the brokenness, the lack of love and support that the person has had through-out their life. That just makes you want to love them harder. And that is fine but it is never your responsibility to fix a broken person. It is their obligation to fix themselves.
You know what the problem is right?
People can’t control their emotions and they feel like they don’t have to try. It is inappropriate to inflict physical or mental pain on someone you love. Inappropriate is an extremely light word so how about this: It is cruel to inflict mental or physical pain on someone you love. Possessiveness, jealousy, narcissism, manipulation, and insecurities are all small signs that are possible gateways for more sinister behavior. But, even if you never get physical touched, mental abuse is just as wrong as physical abuse.
So, I say to all my empaths, all my lightworkers, and all good people who have a toxic person they love: You are not a rehabilitation center for those people who refuse to make their own healing and well-being a priority.
A lot of times we look at it as though, “Well, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would want someone to help me.” Let me ask you something, if the shoe was on the other foot would you act like the other person is acting? Exactly.
It is ok to want to help someone, that is what we are supposed to do but not at the sacrifice of your emotional well-being and happiness. You have to love yourself enough to put yourself first. Love is not a sacrifice of your peace of mind. If someone is stealing your peace of mind do they really love you how you deserved to be loved? Are they really concerned about your well-being? If they are adding to your detriment, they are selfish and don’t care how it is affecting you.
The problem is opposites attract. Givers attract takers. Nurturers attract someone needing nurturing. Caregivers attract someone who needs care. So, don’t ask yourself, “What is wrong with me? Why do I keep attracting the same type of dysfunctional person?” It just means that you are a good person. So, pat yourself on the back and then apply clear and concise boundaries to how you deal with any and everyone.
If you give people an inch they will take a mile. That saying is true tea. Make sure you are not letting people just take your miles who don’t deserve to have them because abusers have no boundaries. They will only go as far as you let them. Don’t let the red flags turn into a full on marching parade.
Since abusers are good at hiding their deplorable behavior you have to take your relationships and friendships slow so you can wait for the cracks to begin to show in their masks. I used to say give people the benefit of the doubt but in 2018 you can’t. You have to hope for the best but don’t be surprised by the worst. Like, Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are; believe them.”
We’ll get more into the topic of energy patterns that carry and attract the same vibrations later but for now, we’ll keep it light by saying, “Don’t be no fool.” If you deserve better, don’t wait on the other person to figure it out because time is something you can’t not get back. Your time is precious and so are you.
- Aisha The Goddess